Don't Date a Girl that Travels // A Response

This article--or blog post rather--popped into my facebook newsfeed the other day, and caught my attention.  It's a manifesto of sorts--a kind of self-affirmation piece written by a woman for an imaginary male audience.  In reality, it was written by women for women.  It lists, sardonically, the reasons you shouldn't date a girl that travels.

Although it's gotten a lot of attention on the internet (translated into 20+ languages?), it rubs me the wrong way.  I think it makes more than a few assumptions about the imaginary, collective male audience it is addressed to--building a kind of female empowerment that's shaky at best.  I couldn't help but feel that if a man had written the same thing, it would have either languished in obscurity, or been quickly dismissed as sexist and chauvinistic.  But somehow it has resonated--perhaps for a combination of good and bad reasons.  And because I had some free time, I thought I'd take a crack at unpacking and translating the monologue--mocking, wherever I can, the sardonic voice of the original.

If it sounds sexist--if I swing too hard in the other direction, I apologize in advance.  Maybe my own insecurities are to blame, and my reaction vindicates the original on some level.

But ultimately it's the tone of this article, and not the gender that I'm knocking.  Anyways, let's tear this one open:

Don't Date a Girl Who Travels

She's the one with the messy, unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It's burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell.

Don't date a girl who travels.  She lives outdoors, and you would be both awed and appalled by her wounds, bites and burns.  They are the souvenirs of a life more exciting than yours.  Your domesticated lifestyle and media-driven beauty standards aren't worthy of an exciting, authentic woman like her.

Don't date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it.

Don't date a girl who travels.  She has high standards, and your provincial dating rituals will bore--no--literally kill her.  She envies your possessions--the modest achievements of hard work--and will dismiss you as materialistic to soothe her anxieties.  She lacks the patience to sit down and have an intimate conversation, preferring instead the simpler (and stereotypically exciting) things like rock climbing and skydiving.  She won't brag about it, but you can bet the farm that shit's going on facebook.

Don't date a girl who travels because she will bug you to book a flight every time there's an airline seat sale. She won't party at Republiq. And she will never pay over $100 for Avicii because she knows that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting.

Don't date a girl that travels, as she has refined taste, and would never stoop to the crude tastes of the masses.  She'd much rather buy herself a week's worth of slum-tourism in an ethnic exciting country.

Chances are, she can't hold a steady job. Or she's probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn't want to keep working her ass off for someone else's dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don't waste her time complaining about your boring job.

Don't date a girl who travels.  Chances are she can't hold a steady job, and doesn't want to, since she eschews responsibility beyond those to herself.  She gawks at the idea of working for the man like the rest of you, but is happy to freelance for the man if the price is right.  

Don't date a girl who travels.  Though she lacks the discipline to plan a career for herself, her creativity allows her to imagine one for herself.  She doesn't understand how you could ever work the kind of soulless job that pays the bills and keeps the world running.  Why aren't you following your passion--doing what you love?  Don't you know we could all have exciting jobs and a thriving economy if everyone was doing the work that really mattered--work that requires creativity and imagination?  Don't waste her time with your logic, your pragmatism.  She's a bohemian, an artist.  You just wouldn't understand.

Don't date a girl who travels. She might have wasted her college degree and switched careers entirely. She is now a dive instructor or a yoga teacher. She's not sure when the next paycheck is coming. But she doesn't work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same.

Don't date a girl who travels.  She's known money her entire life, but not the slightest about where it actually comes from.  She's not about to figure it out now.  

She's a free spirit, not a robot chasing a paycheck.  A girl like her lives life one day at a time--about as far as her foresight allows.  She loudly challenges you to live her lifestyle, but stays quiet on the trust fund that allows it.  

Don't date a girl who travels for she has chosen a life of uncertainty. She doesn't have a plan or a permanent address. She goes with the flow and follows her heart. She dances to the beat of her own drum. She doesn't wear a watch. Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the waves are calling, life stops and she will be oblivious to everything else for a moment. But she has learned that the most important thing in life isn't surfing.

Don't date a girl that travels.  She's a risk-taker, and you're milquetoast.  Planning is for squares.  Watches are for squares.  Responsibilities are for squares.  Doing anything except what your heart and the moon demand of you...well that's for squares.  You gotta march to the beat of your own drum, live by the sun and moon, and surf whenever the waves are good.  

Don't date a girl who travels as she tends to speak her mind. She will never try to impress your parents or friends. She knows respect, but isn't afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility.

Don't date a girl who travels.  She won't deign to impress your family and friends, and her strained air of cool indifference will leave everyone feeling a bit uneasy.  Unlike girls who don't travel, she has a brain and a set of opinions.  You men would never want that, and you couldn't handle it anyways.  

Don't date a girl who travels.  She knows more than you about social responsibility--and is deeply  committed to the issues plaguing whichever third world slum she's now prancing around taking selfies in.  A girl like her is brave--and not afraid to moralize, with explanations of how the materialistic lifestyle you've chosen is causing global warming, but doesn't think twice about the carbon costs of a lifestyle built on plane travel.  

She will never need you. She knows how to pitch a tent and screw her own fins without your help. She cooks well and doesn't need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent and wont care whether you travel with her or not. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She's busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams. She will be bored with you.

Don't date a girl who travels.  You are rendered useless by the fact that she basic, practical skills.  If a girl can pitch her own tent and screw in her own fins, why on earth would she need a man in her life?  I mean, when I learned how to make my own sandwiches, I realized I didn't need women in my life.  Guys are really only good for killing spiders and changing oil.  They're crutches, crutches for weak girls.  Girls who don't travel.

Don't date a girl who travels.  Unlike you, she's too busy living in the present.  She's so present, in fact, that she will barely notice you as you travel together.  You can't rely on her to handle difficult tasks, so make sure to check in for yourself when arriving at new destinations.  If you try to buy her dinner, she will know you're a chauvinist, and talk passions and dreams with complete strangers instead.  Buy hey, at least they're more exiting than you--you boring fuck.  

So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don't you dare keep her. Let her go.

Don't date a girl who travels.  She's too busy being a half-decent writer and man-shatteringly independent. Her fear of intimacy keeps her on the run, and chances are nobody's gonna catch her anytime soon.  Don't even try.

Visit Adi's blog www.lovethesearch.com for over 20 translated versions of this post, and more writing like this.