Man Skills

Today I worked the family truck.  We have an V8 ford F150.  The oil was dirty.  I replaced the oil and the oil filter.  Small feat, no doubt, but I've never done it and it was oddly satisfying.  Fixing and maintaining things--feeling control over decay--and doing stereotypical 'man work'--I recommend it.   It's a good feeling.

I watched a youtube video on how to do it.  Then I had to slide around on the asphalt under the truck and position myself correctly to change the filter.  You have to use a strap wrench under a truck to tighten the oil filter, positioning it just so through the wheel-well and suspension.  It's not easy and you have to stay patient.  When your under a car, and oil is pouring over your hand and the filter isn't threading as you try turning it--you can only take a deep breath and relax.  If you get frustrated chances are you'll hurt yourself.  Under a car, there are dozens of angular metal pieces to throw your beautiful head/face/teeth into.  One head-jerk in frustration is all it takes.    

Anyways, my shirt got oily and my neck got pretty sore craning around under the car, but with some creativity and patience I got the job done.  It taught me something.

(A) be patient.  When I had finally gotten under the car, the crescent wrench I wasn't long enough (lacked the torque) to undo the oil pan bolt.  I had to slide back out, and spend 10 minutes looking through a messy tool-bag for a 5/8 socket, and a wrench large enough to loop over the socket-wrench handle (for leverage).  But once I had the right tools it was easy.  It was a classic case of "work smart, not hard."  Brute force wouldn't have done it.  

(B) don't get overwhelmed by the mass of parts.  Cars are full of parts, but if you only focus on the ones that are pertinent to your job, you realize that each component or sub-system is relatively simple.  It is only when you [mistakenly] look at the entire car as a single, unified entity that things get overwhelming.

Anyways, I must really be rolling in the man skills right now.  Two days ago I used a chainsaw for the first time.  Swansong would be proud.

Dubious Conditions

The lunacy of using stock photos to illustrate an illness:

Go away.  I can't work today--I have pneumonia.

The lunacy of using stock photos to illustrate depression: 

Why did I take these meeting notes in Spanish?

Darkness surrounds me.

"No Mr. Richardson.  One again, the box does NOT
cost extra--it is included in your monthly  subscription."

C'mon, I know this one.  Six times seven....six...times seven

Botox was not a mistake.  Look--I can still feel the edges of my face!

I don't know what to say.  You ordered my cardigan in orange!?
Orange won't match this scarf.  I wanted Tangerine.  TANGERINE!

For christ sakes Emily, at least leave the room.
...this is the last time I play hide and seek with disabled children.  

Oh. My. God.  You actually got me a DELL?

So, would you say the glass is half empty?

yea...uh huh...sad and stuff...
there's a spider on the wall behind you

WASPY women aren't the only ones suffering.

I need to stop.  I promised myself I wasn't going to watch my
neighbor undress...  Oh, who am I kidding?--Look at those abs!

I knew I should have worn boots.

Okay ladies, now slowly work your way into the
 anxious Rodin.

Men suffer too.

I reaally don't like you, Williams.  Get the fuck out of my office.  

" Zees wohman.  I have 'ad eet wis zees wohman!"

Depressed?  Naw man, this is a sitting Tebow.

"It ain't easy.  I mean the closest GAP is six blocks from here."

Double bogey on a Par 4?  There goes my golfing career

Whyyy did I click on that?

How would I illustrate depression?